Hey everyone,
My new blog is at whydontilistentome.com. There won't be any more updates here. Thanks for the good times, Blogger!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Happiness?
It's been a while since I've updated, so for anyone (or nobody -- I don't know what kind of traffic this blog gets) who cares, here's what's going on:
Life is meant to be enjoyed. That's the purpose, and the meaning. If you disagree with me, suck it. I'm a happy person, and I think that a lot of good things come from being happy. It astounds me how good people are in general, and how much pleasure people get from making other people smile.
That's how I try to live my life. If I can make you smile, be my friend. Be someone who I'll care about, someone who will make me smile, and someone who I'll not forget. I try to leave an imprint on everyone I meet -- not physically, of course, just a memory or a phrase or anything.
I have the best friends in the world. It's true. You can argue with me, but I just blog, so that would be silly.
That intro was mildly disorganized. That's sort of where my head is at the moment. I'm confused. Very confused. Happy now, but confused.
Now is where it gets general and fun to decipher:
Things are good in my life. Many things are very good, actually. I'm in line for a promotion, I like my job, I'm better at it than I was. My house is great, I love my roommates, and I have a car to get around in. I have awesome friends (explained already), and a pretty decent love life. The problem is when other people are down.
I'm very affected by my surroundings. If a friend is in a bad mood, I very quickly join them. I hate to see other people miserable. It makes me miserable, then I make other people miserable, then everyone's unhappy.
I had a great weekend the last few days. Regardless of stupid things that happened (bacon), it was a very nice weekend, caught up with a bunch of old friends, and had a really good time in general. I think the reason I was so happy all the time was because I was around people who were also happy. And if they weren't happy, I would leave.
That worries me more than anything. Would I have had the same weekend were I hanging around with people who didn't want to be happy?
That's silly. Of course not. Circumstances change, and the events surrounding those circumstances change. That's how the world works. Kind of.
I'm done writing, cuz I can't think of anything else I need to say. Live and love life. Please.
For me.
Life is meant to be enjoyed. That's the purpose, and the meaning. If you disagree with me, suck it. I'm a happy person, and I think that a lot of good things come from being happy. It astounds me how good people are in general, and how much pleasure people get from making other people smile.
That's how I try to live my life. If I can make you smile, be my friend. Be someone who I'll care about, someone who will make me smile, and someone who I'll not forget. I try to leave an imprint on everyone I meet -- not physically, of course, just a memory or a phrase or anything.
I have the best friends in the world. It's true. You can argue with me, but I just blog, so that would be silly.
That intro was mildly disorganized. That's sort of where my head is at the moment. I'm confused. Very confused. Happy now, but confused.
Now is where it gets general and fun to decipher:
Things are good in my life. Many things are very good, actually. I'm in line for a promotion, I like my job, I'm better at it than I was. My house is great, I love my roommates, and I have a car to get around in. I have awesome friends (explained already), and a pretty decent love life. The problem is when other people are down.
I'm very affected by my surroundings. If a friend is in a bad mood, I very quickly join them. I hate to see other people miserable. It makes me miserable, then I make other people miserable, then everyone's unhappy.
I had a great weekend the last few days. Regardless of stupid things that happened (bacon), it was a very nice weekend, caught up with a bunch of old friends, and had a really good time in general. I think the reason I was so happy all the time was because I was around people who were also happy. And if they weren't happy, I would leave.
That worries me more than anything. Would I have had the same weekend were I hanging around with people who didn't want to be happy?
That's silly. Of course not. Circumstances change, and the events surrounding those circumstances change. That's how the world works. Kind of.
I'm done writing, cuz I can't think of anything else I need to say. Live and love life. Please.
For me.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Reasons to Give Up
Why don't I listen to me? It's funny that I've named my blog this, but I've never actually touched on why. Why DON'T I listen to me?
I think it's because I know that if I overthink things, I'll realize my life is a dump. Who the fuck drops out of school halfway through their freshman year? I do. Who starts smoking because 'everyone at work smokes?' I do. Who screws up every opportunity with his girlfriend? You guessed it.
I don't know what to do anymore. My life is in shambles. I miss my friends -- but now I wonder if they miss me. What do I even really do with my 'friends?'
It's now bordering on 3:30 AM. Yet, here I am, sitting in the dark, in front of my laptop, learning PHP and MySQL, because I dread going upstairs to argue with my girlfriend. Again.
What the hell, man? This is not what life was supposed to be like.
I was raised to believe that we were here to go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, and die. The object was to live comfortable, within societal norms. You'd have a degree (what for?), a job that you didn't like, and a wife, who was the only person your own age you'd hang out with outside of work. You dreaded casual Friday because you didn't know what to wear, and the highlight of your day was the new intern.
But no. I have a dead end job at 19. I'm supporting myself, living in a house, and ... and what? That's it. I haven't entered adulthood, I've pushed it off another year. At least.
It's times like this I wish I was good at something. I could write a beautiful ballad on guitar. I could express myself through poetry, painting, singing, anything. But I can't. I don't have the talent to communicate exactly what I'm feeling, except through ranting on a blog that nobody reads.
What am I going to do tomorrow? Wake up (most likely at 1:30PM, because I'm far too lazy to see daylight.), go to work (which I'm no good at. Yeah, that's me whining. You'll live), come home, and listen to my girlfriend tell me how much she hates me. I'll go back to my place (alone, of course), and smoke myself to sleep.
The day after that? Same thing. And so the cycle repeats. This is what I've been doing. This is how life will continue, or at least until I find enough discipline to shoulder some real responsibility. If I find that discipline.
Welcome to my life. Enjoy it for what it is, because nothing good ever lasts.
Ever.
I think it's because I know that if I overthink things, I'll realize my life is a dump. Who the fuck drops out of school halfway through their freshman year? I do. Who starts smoking because 'everyone at work smokes?' I do. Who screws up every opportunity with his girlfriend? You guessed it.
I don't know what to do anymore. My life is in shambles. I miss my friends -- but now I wonder if they miss me. What do I even really do with my 'friends?'
It's now bordering on 3:30 AM. Yet, here I am, sitting in the dark, in front of my laptop, learning PHP and MySQL, because I dread going upstairs to argue with my girlfriend. Again.
What the hell, man? This is not what life was supposed to be like.
I was raised to believe that we were here to go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, and die. The object was to live comfortable, within societal norms. You'd have a degree (what for?), a job that you didn't like, and a wife, who was the only person your own age you'd hang out with outside of work. You dreaded casual Friday because you didn't know what to wear, and the highlight of your day was the new intern.
But no. I have a dead end job at 19. I'm supporting myself, living in a house, and ... and what? That's it. I haven't entered adulthood, I've pushed it off another year. At least.
It's times like this I wish I was good at something. I could write a beautiful ballad on guitar. I could express myself through poetry, painting, singing, anything. But I can't. I don't have the talent to communicate exactly what I'm feeling, except through ranting on a blog that nobody reads.
What am I going to do tomorrow? Wake up (most likely at 1:30PM, because I'm far too lazy to see daylight.), go to work (which I'm no good at. Yeah, that's me whining. You'll live), come home, and listen to my girlfriend tell me how much she hates me. I'll go back to my place (alone, of course), and smoke myself to sleep.
The day after that? Same thing. And so the cycle repeats. This is what I've been doing. This is how life will continue, or at least until I find enough discipline to shoulder some real responsibility. If I find that discipline.
Welcome to my life. Enjoy it for what it is, because nothing good ever lasts.
Ever.
Monday, June 30, 2008
I don't think life is hard, persay. I think it's a challenge to maintain happiness, but the majority of the time, even that is pretty easy. The challenge comes in balancing your ego, your superego, and your id.
I find that a lot of times, I don't do this well. I think this is the only thing causing me not to be happy all the time.
Love -- well, don't even get me started.
On a scale of one to ten, today sucked.
I find that a lot of times, I don't do this well. I think this is the only thing causing me not to be happy all the time.
Love -- well, don't even get me started.
On a scale of one to ten, today sucked.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Just because
So I finally installed Windows XP on my laptop. It's good, but it's not running any faster than Vista did, and I'm annoyed because the typing seems to need the chance to catch up with me. Oh well. what's done is done, and it would be ridiculous to try and change back now.
I took 42 chats today at work. That's unheard of. Sweet. I win this time.
I took 42 chats today at work. That's unheard of. Sweet. I win this time.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Update
Status Update:
Things I've been doing well:
1. Losing Weight
--I've been to the gym 4 out of the last 6 days. I'm going again today. Sweet.
--Eating healthier. I've stopped snacking as much late at night.
2. Eye doctor. Finally got a new set of contacts, and a pair of glasses. Much needed.
3. Cutting back on smoke.
4. My job. Chats rock.
Things I have not been doing well:
1. Taking classes.
2. Re-registering my car.
3. Quitting smoking.
4. Telling my parents the truth about a lot of things.
5. Saving money.
Well, not bad. We'll see how it goes further into the summer.
Things I've been doing well:
1. Losing Weight
--I've been to the gym 4 out of the last 6 days. I'm going again today. Sweet.
--Eating healthier. I've stopped snacking as much late at night.
2. Eye doctor. Finally got a new set of contacts, and a pair of glasses. Much needed.
3. Cutting back on smoke.
4. My job. Chats rock.
Things I have not been doing well:
1. Taking classes.
2. Re-registering my car.
3. Quitting smoking.
4. Telling my parents the truth about a lot of things.
5. Saving money.
Well, not bad. We'll see how it goes further into the summer.
Monday, June 9, 2008
WTF?!
I decided last night to go visit the Gellers. I'm in DE for the summer, and they're in Closter, which is about 150 miles up 95. I didn't know how to get there, so I spent most of the car ride on the phone. Bear in mind, I left at 10:45 PM last night. Well, the directions I had told me to get off at exit 15W. For those of you who don't know, that's the exit for Newark, NJ. Not a very nice part of town. After some maneuvering around (and yelling frantically at Blake), I got back on 95N, and continued my journey. Except I was on the expressway. Well, I got to exit 72 (the correct exit for Palisades Parkway), and realized that I COULDN'T GET OFF THERE. Holy shit. So here I am, never having been to New York, crossing the GW Bridge. (By the way, what the fuck's up with an $8.00 toll?). I ask the lady at the booth how to get to the Palisades Parkway, and she says 'you've got to turn around.' That's it. That's all that fucking bitch said. So I get across the bridge, and I get off at the first exit I can (after almost being hit by a taxi). Well, that was a poor choice.
At this point in time, it's 2:30AM. It's dark, and I just sat in traffic before the bridge for an HOUR AND A HALF. I'm going to repeat that, even though this is an email so you can read it again. I moved 1.4 miles in an HOUR AND A HALF. Fine. No biggie. Got my iPod, got some snacks, a Monster, whatever. Well, that exit (the first one in NY that I could see), was to DOWNTOWN HARLEM. So now I'm in downtown Harlem, having never been in NYC, much less at 2:30AM, and there were more athletes on the street than attend the U of D. After locking my doors (several times), I finally managed to find SOMETHING that looked like it MIGHT lead back to 95S. I managed to get on it, and then, at 3:15AM, finally got on the parkway, and found my way to the Gellers.
Some might say 'Matt, you're an idiot. Why would you make a 150 mile drive that late at night to somewhere you'd never been?' The answer? IDFK. Fuck off. It was a dumb idea, but I got a decent story out of it.
At this point in time, it's 2:30AM. It's dark, and I just sat in traffic before the bridge for an HOUR AND A HALF. I'm going to repeat that, even though this is an email so you can read it again. I moved 1.4 miles in an HOUR AND A HALF. Fine. No biggie. Got my iPod, got some snacks, a Monster, whatever. Well, that exit (the first one in NY that I could see), was to DOWNTOWN HARLEM. So now I'm in downtown Harlem, having never been in NYC, much less at 2:30AM, and there were more athletes on the street than attend the U of D. After locking my doors (several times), I finally managed to find SOMETHING that looked like it MIGHT lead back to 95S. I managed to get on it, and then, at 3:15AM, finally got on the parkway, and found my way to the Gellers.
Some might say 'Matt, you're an idiot. Why would you make a 150 mile drive that late at night to somewhere you'd never been?' The answer? IDFK. Fuck off. It was a dumb idea, but I got a decent story out of it.
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